Jessica Simpson is trying to convince them country folk that she is darn serious about singin' for 'em now. So on Tuesday the Texas native and her lapdog visited a country radio station in farm land, California.
The pretty ditz ripped plenty of her typical mouth-diarrhea, including a confession that she once sneezed spaghetti noodles out of her nose. She also tried to convince everyone that her dad isn't a pervert, by
insisting he didn't feel her up when she was a teenager in need of a
training bra.
I don't care what she says, papa Joe is definitely creepy. Except at the moment, I'm a little more distracted by the two perves drooling on either side of her during the interview (especially four eyes on the right):
Of course Jessica 'feels at home' in the country music world already. Duh. Putting aside the fact that radio stations might actually play her ballads, it's the only place where you can sing a song about wanting to be a fish and not get made fun of. Yee hah.
P.S. 'You're very sweet and wonderful. Isn't she great?' is creepy straight man code for 'If my wife wasn't around, I would #&#$%@# and *&^%(@(&$. Isn't she great?!?'
So yesterday I was talkin' about how Lily Allen is a poster child for average-looking celerities. What I forgot to say was that I applaud her for putting her imperfect ass out there to be ripped to shreds for the media, just so she can be a musician.
Kinda stupid, but brave!
Well it seems I spoke too soon, because here's pictures of Lily visiting a
plastic surgeon's office in L.A. yesterday.
The visit most likely included discussion about lypo suction, botox injections, and possibly some fun little saline balloons.
Surgery is something Lily considered last year, when she wrote on her myspace blog about considering liposuction and stomach stapling because she felt 'fat, ugly and grotesque.' Soon afterwards, though, Lily swore off surgery and wrote that she 'sha'nt be getting any surgery, instead I will be eating lots of bread and pasta.'
Yeah, that happened like 10 years ago, I know - I'm talking about sports, people, not teenage hook-ups. What are you in, eight grade or something?
Lindsay Lohan was on the movie set of Labor Pains for like the 10th day in a row (or does it just feel that way because of all the pictures I've seen?).
This time she was playing softball - batting at one set of balls, then
another set of balls, then another, until finally, she climaxed into a home
run.
SOFTBALL you perverts. GOSH! Pictures of Lindsay's ball action after the jump...
Julia Roberts' daughter Hazel is three years old. Last year, three weeks before Julia was set to give birth to her son, little Hazel tells mommy that her unborn brother will be born later that day.
Of course Julia is like, 'uh, ok Hazel sweetie.' Wink, wink.
17 hours later, she gives birth to a premature baby boy and eats her disbelieving words.
Last I checked, 2-year-olds didn't possess any sort of scientific genius, so I've come up with several outstanding explanations for this:
a) Julia is a liar b) Pure coincidence c) babies are like cats and dogs - they can sense when people are about to die or, conversely, be born.
That last one sounds cool, but I really don't have any idea what it means. And option (b) is boring. So I'm gonna put my money on (a) and call Julia a colossal exaggerator because that's much more fun.
Pictures of Julia Roberts at the Kit Kittredge: An American Girl premiere in New York yesterday after the jump...
Chace Crawford was swarmed by a crowd of rich, bikini-clad teenager girls in the Hamptons yesterday, who struck gold looking for something to do while their parents played golf and sipped wine.
Unfortunately for these young pubescent ladies, Chace looked more annoyed than flattered.
But at least they will have something to talk about the rest of the summer!
While Paula Abdul was celebrating her birthday in West Hollywood last night,
53-year-old Bruce Willis was nearby confusing people with his own cake
party.
Check out the sexy older actor bringing his girlfriend Emma Heming to Koi Restaurant and stifling a laugh as the confused paparazzi wish him a happy birthday:
Bruce's middle daughter, Scout LaRue, also attended the dinner party, but no sign of his very famous daughter Rumer Willis. Guess she's in high demand these days!
Last night Paris Hilton looked like she was attending a Greek-themed swinger's party when she hit up Manhattan's nightlife.
But no, the celebutant merely attended a Korean karaoke bar and TAO lounge for some platonic partying with hip-joined boyfriend Benji Madden.
The inseparable pair - who have not received a 'Brangelina' or
'Maniston'-esque nickname because nobody takes them seriously -
can't stop gushing about how nauseatingly obsessed they are with each other.
Benji was on Ryan Seacrest's show with his brother Joel Tuesday morning, and he spent waaaaay too much time talking about what it's like to be completely pussy whipped. He said:
'I'm so beyond happy. When you're that happy, you think
about everything. She's my best friend. I've never been so happy.
Nothing worries me in life anymore. When you find that best friend,
that love, all your worries kind of go away. Your work gets better and
everything you do, you have someone supporting you, and she's that for
me. I've never been supported so much. I'm a lucky guy. Her family is
so nice to me. And now the four of us, we all … it's great, you know.'
Either Benji is completely delusional or Paris had as all fooled when she came across as being eternally obsessed with herself and incapable of noticing someone else's feelings. Because Benji just called her 'supportive.'
Nonetheless, a wedding and pregnancy could happen sometime in the near future. Because if Paris and Nicole are going to be mommies and wifeys together, Paris has got to jump on the bandwagon!
What do you think Paris and Benji's couple name would be if people cared enough to give them one???
'I thought by now I'd have three grown children,' Paula Abdul told USA Today last October. At the time, she was still dating J.T. Torregiani, the guy she apparently expected to have kids with, because she said a baby would be 'the next step in my life.'
Eight
months later, crazy Paula is newly single, baby bumpless, and creeping
closer to that age when having a baby isn't just weird, it's dangerous.
She's 46!
Last night the American Idol trainwreck celebrated her birthday
at STK restaurant by herself (well, actually, her chauffeur was there
too). Other special guests were the paparazzi, who sang to Paula, causing her to feel so touched that she compulsively rolled down
her window, smiled, and uttered the words 'I love you.' To the
paparazzi. A verbal outburst even Paula seemed embarrassed by once she
realized what she was saying...
How Pamela and Tommy's kids seem relatively normal, I have no idea. Because here's their two parents, 'back together' for the '801st' time. Pamela is wearing hooker heals, Tommy is in the same clothes he wore yesterday, and both of them have probably been up the entire night tattooing 'Pamela and Tommy forever' on each other's asses or making 'look how big Tommy's dick is' porno part two.
But despite all that, here they are taking 8 and 9-year-old Dylan and Brandon to school yesterday like all the other middle school parents.
When one of these kids writes his autobiography, I want to read it.
