Tatum O'Neal's Dead Dog Made Her Do It

Tatum O'Neal has changed her tune - for the third time - about why she was caught buying crack on a street corner in NYC last Sunday.

At the time of the arrest she was so desperate for the taste of rat poison that she pulled the 'I'm a celebrity' card:

• 'You know who I am, right?  Can't we just forget about this?!' she pleaded.

When the cops didn't say 'Oh, wow what a treat. Sure, I'll let you off the hook just this once. But can I get your autograph?' Tatum said it was for acting:

• 'I'm researching a part...as a junkie,' she said.
  

A lie which makes perfect sense, considering that hefty autobiography Tatum wrote about her life as a raging heroine addict. 

Now, the 44-year-old actress is blaming the whole thing on her dog:

• 'I lost my Scottish terrier, Lena. That seemed to set me off,' she said, adding that her dog's death 'triggered that my mother passed away in '98.'

This is kinda like Bai Ling saying that she stole batteries from an airport store because her ex-boyfriend dumped her.  Purely circumstantial.  Not emotional instability, immorality, self-absorption, no way.

In fact, Tatum is a new woman now, and she's thrilled with the cops who busted her...

• 'I'm still sober!  Just when I was about to change that and wreck my life, the cops came and saved me!'

Well how about that.  Such a warm and fuzzy story, makes me want to pull out the old crack pipe, just to celebrate a little.