Don't let the fake tan, the fake boobs, the fake personality, or the new Playboy gig fool
you into thinking Brooke Hogan is just another dumb blonde. This chick is a rare breed of stupid.
Just two episodes into her new reality show, Brooke Knows Best, the 20-year-old has topped Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, and Ann Coulter as 'world's most retarded female.'
When asked by a potential roommate which presidential candidate she will vote for, Brooke explains that she isn't big on voting. And moreover, why the hell is Hilary Clinton even bothering to run? Everyone knows women just aren't cut out to be world leaders...
'I think it’s kinda crazy
that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of
emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a
country, ‘cause I’d be crying one day and yelling at people the next
day, ya know?'
I think there might have been a question at the end of Brooke's pearl of wisdom there, but I don't feel comfortable answering it because I might be starting my period next week. It's just not safe to talk at moments like this.
Pictures of Brooke grabbing Subway on Melrose in L.A. yesterday after the jump...
Kelly Osbourne showed off her slimmed down, toned-up, still-pasty figure at The Dark Knight premiere in London yesterday. And how convenient that the attire called for all-black, so Kel could wear her best un-kept secret under that snug-fitting dress.
But girdles aside, the Brit's most noteworthy accessory was the bling on her ring finger...a gesture that got people buzzing about a wedding to model boyfriend Luke Worrell.
Luckily, the craddle-robber assured us that she isn't that dumb. 'I always wear rings on this finger. Luke's 18 and I'm 23 - we're not getting married,' she told WENN.
Yeah, they've only been dating for about a month. Give it at least two or three.
Yesterday after learning that Blake Fielder-Civil would be
spending the next two years getting butt-raped in the shower, Blake's
ladies responded like any smoker would: absorbing their tears with a
cloud of nicotine.
While Amy Winehouse was recovering from her weekend rave,
her husband's mom and the chicks he's probably cheating on her with
showed up to hear his court sentence in London yesterday.
Looking like a replica of her son, Georgette Fielder-Civil was the leader of the pack (red hankerchief), arriving at the courthouse with Blake's 'friend' Sarah Thomas
(red hair) and a big smile on her face. Because apparently Amy wasn't the only
family member who wrongly assumed celebrity justice was on vacation.
Sarah Thomas, by the way, is the chick who Georgette wants Blake to
marry after he divorces Amy. Because, just like Amy's parents think
Amy's addiction is all Blake's fault, Georgette says Amy is the reason
her son is a f*cking idiot. She told the press in May:
'I've
told Blake he should divorce Amy now and start a new life with Sarah.
She's his best buddy and has been extremely supportive. Amy's a mess.
I've told him if he goes back to her she will lead him to an early
grave.'
And if he doesn't get back with her, he'll die old and happy?
The third chick toking away her Blake blues is German
model Sophie Schandorff,
who was supposedly having an affair with him while he was in prison.
Not sure how exactly that one would have worked out, but it had to have
been better than seeing Amy purse her drooling, impetigo-infested lips
against the glass.
Anyway, for more pictures of the distraught and the Blake mugshot, check out the set below...
While some are complaining that Maggie Gyllenhaal's 'sad cartoon turtle' face doesn't make her hot enough to rock the hearts of both Batman and Harvey Dent, no one can say the Gyllenho sister (or at least, her back) didn't look sexy at The Dark Knight premiere in London last night.
But don't worry boys, I'm sure Jessica Alba will be back in distressed damsel condition for the next superhero flick...
Lindsay Lohan is back on the set of Ugly Betty to reprise
her role as the high school bitch. You know, that chick who everyone
secretly hated and feared but was friends with so she wouldn't make fun
of them too.
Well, turns out there's this thing called 'what
goes around comes around.' And that 'popular' chick is also the twit
who got married and
knocked up (or just knocked up) by 19 and has been working at the local
diner ever since.
In May's season finale of Ugly Betty,
Lindsay played Betty's high school nemesis who picked the chubby dork
to be on her dodgeball team only so that Betty could be her body
shield. And get pelted with about 50 balls. Flash-forward one
television season and 10 years later, Lindsay becomes the white trash
serving Betty greasy fries at Hamburger Palace. Naturally.
Pictures of Lindsay in fast-food attire for her 5-episode guest spot with America Ferrera below...
Traci Bingham spent a few hours comparing melon sizes at the grocery
store last night. Because, what better way to unwind after a busy day
of auditioning on the set of your new reality show?
And when she's not doing metaphysical pondering on fruit sizes, Traci is busy working her promotional game. Check out the American Sex Symbol flirting with fans and showing off her 'twins' at Villa Lounge last Friday:
More pictures of Traci and her melons/twins/whatever after the jump...
Christian Bale supposedly assaulted his mom and sister on Sunday, but the police waited until today to arrest him because they love them some Batman. The Sun reports:
'The 34-year-old actor was arrested at Belgravia police station, in central
London, earlier today after attending by appointment.
He is alleged to have lashed out on Sunday night at Park Lane’s Dorchester
Hotel — where he has a suite.
Mum Jenny, 61, and sister Sharon, 40, who lives in Dorset, went to a police
station in Hampshire yesterday to lodge the allegation.
Detectives, well aware of last night’s glittering bash, took the decision not
to approach Bale yesterday.
A source said: “It was a very difficult situation but it would have been wrong
to have wrecked the premiere over a complaint which we don’t yet know is
founded in truth." '
Christian's rep acknowledged the arrest this morning, but denies the allegations made by mommy and sis. According to TMZ, the 'assault' was verbal, so at least we know Batman hasn't taken his combat moves off-screen. But why do they call it 'assault' then? The UK is weird.
I guess Christian tried to warn us about this a couple years ago when he told E! Online that 'if everyone really knew what a jerk I am in real life, I wouldn't be so adored in the slightest.' I'm pretty sure those words are haunting him right about now and this goes to show that if you are a celebrity, never, ever admit weakness. We'll totally use it against you because that's just the kind of heartless, jealous people we are.
Pictures of Christian at The Dark Knight film premiere in London yesterday below...
Surprise! Stephanie Pratt is not to be trusted. The trailer for the next season of The Hills is here, and with just as much fantastic drama as ever.
Highlights will include Lo and Audrina baring their claws, Heidi's freeloader sister, several mascara-streaked tearfests, and plenty of romantical action.
No footsie between Lauren and Brody Jenner this season - but he does
get thrown in jail for beating up the douchebag who thought it would be a good idea to date her and her best friend. On a taped reality
show. Dude, who writes this stuff?
My opinion? Eva Longoria, Jennifer Lopez, Ashlee Simpson and all the other celebs who beat around the pregnancy bush - until denying it would be rickockulous - are ruining the 'bloated' excuse for everyone who actually DID just eat a really big hamburger.
Sure, sure...Eva's 'gaining weight for her Desperate Housewives role.'
Whatever. It's just too damn convenient. Since when does an absurdist show like Desperate Housewives care so much about being realistic that they make their actresses get fat??? Since never. We all know Eva's biological clock is just tickin' like a watch on speed. Shit, woman's gotta get at least one baby out before the marriage falls apart.
