Don't let his trucker appearance fool you, because Benji Madden is a modern-day Romeo when it comes to his would-be trophy wife.

The diminutive troll was on his best behavior last night when he took Paris Hilton out in the Big Apple.

Benji rolled out the VIP treatment at a Good Charlotte concert, sat through dinner with mommy and daddy Hilton, mad-dogged a creepy cab driver (third thumbnail below) and even tried to shield Paris from a very aggressive street puddle.  In fact, if Paris hadn't been so busy eye-fucking a guy down the street, Benji might have been able to save her metallic, animal print heels from New York City's drainwater.  What a guy.

Continue reading Paris Hilton's Troll is Such a Gentleman...

With all of the new developments in Paris Hilton's life - a new man, a televised search for a new BFF, the cinematic debacle that was "The Hottie and the Nottie" - the celebutante can be forgiven for needing a pinch of spiritual guidance.

Paris wowed the crass materialists at Hollywood's trendy Urth Cafe when she traipsed in with her own personal shaman in tow. The two shared a reading from a pamphlet titled "The Path of the Painted Shaman," after which the mystic blessed Paris, and God threw up in his mouth.

Might we suggest Paris take a long, long retreat with her yogi at a far, faraway place? It might not help her, but it would greatly benefit the rest of us.  Continue reading Paris Hilton's Moment of Zen...

Our favorite socialite is in Berlin to promote her new line of prosecco (yum, prosecco) - in a can (scratch that). Paris suited up to appear at a press conference where she announced that she was donating 20 percent of the profits from her Rich Prosecco line to the Rich Water Foundation, an organization that provides fresh drinking water to people in need. Gee, 20 percent of nothing is still nothing. How come I have the sneaking suspicion that months from now, people in need of drinking water will be enjoying some sparkling wine - from a can?